Grandparents
*Old folk are worth a fortune with silver in their hair, gold in their teeth, stones in their kidneys, lead in their feet and gas in their stomach.
*I have become a little older since I saw you last and a few changes have come into my life - frankly, I have become a frivolous gal. I am seeing 5 gentlemen every day. As soon as I wake up, WILL POWER helps me out of bed. Then I go see JOHN. Often JOHN calls me numerous times throughout the night...he won't let me rest! After I see JOHN in the morning then CHARLIE HORSE comes along and when he is here he gets all of my attention. When he leaves ARTHUR RITIS shows up and stays the rest of the day. He doesn't like to stay in one place very long so he takes me from joint to joint. After such a busy day I'm really tired and looking forward to going to bed with BEN GAY. He's my favorite of them all. Oh yes, I'm also flirting with AL ZYMER.
*The preacher came in to call the other day. He said that at my age I should be thinking about the hereafter. I told him: "I do -- all the time. No matter where I am, in the living room, in the kitchen, upstairs or in the basement, I ask myself -- 'Now, what am I here after??' "
A young man who was also an avid golfer found himself with a few hours to spare one afternoon. He figured if he hurried and played very fast, he could get in 9 holes before he had to head home. Just as he was about to tee off an old gentleman shuffled onto the tee and asked if he could accompany the young man as he was golfing alone. Not being able to say no, he allowed the old gentleman to join him.
To his surprise the old man played fairly quickly. He didn't hit the ball far, but plodded along consistently and didn't waste much time.
Finally, they reached the 9th fairway and the young man found himself with a tough shot. There was a large pine tree right in front of his ball - and directly between his ball and the green.
After several minutes of debating how to hit the shot the old man finally said, "You know, when I was your age I'd hit the ball right over that tree."
With that challenge placed before him, the youngster swung hard, hit the ball up, right smack into the top of the tree trunk and it thudded back on the ground not a foot from where it had originally lay.
The old man offered one more comment, "Of course, when I was your age that pine tree was only 3 feet tall."